Betty Dowdy's Diary
by Betty Jean Craige, University of Georgia
[published in Flagpole Magazine, June 19, 1996]
Dear Diary:
Well, today I had quite a thrill! After work--I guess it was about 5:30--I went by the newly remodeled Kroger's to see what everybody's talking about. You wouldn't believe what a marvelous store has been created! It's so complete, with just about everything you need in life if you're over 50 years old, that there's really no point in ever going anywhere else.
I walked in, got a cart, went to the bank to get some cash, and headed toward the new wing. Wow! Great bakery! I picked up some squaw bread and a carrot cake in the form of a Basset Hound. The vegetables were located conveniently right there behind the cake. So I got corn, artichokes, and onions. I stopped and chatted a bit with some neighbors.
Then I turned round the corner and discovered that Kroger's had put patio furniture in the middle of the aisle. How thoughtful of them! Like a freeway rest stop. Anyway, it was a good time to relax, after a hard day. I helped myself to a shrimp cocktail that one of the ladies was offering, got an Atlanta Journal, and sat down in a comfortable chaise under the umbrella to put my feet up, read, and listen to the music Kroger's was piping through the store: Neil Diamond, my favorite. After the nice break I was ready to make some phone calls. The phone booth had a chair by some plants. While I talked on the phone I pruned the plants with my nail clippers.
By now it was about 6:20, and I was getting hungry. There was no reason not to dine at Kroger's restaurant, so I did. I read the National Inquirer while eating excellent barbequed pork and mashed potatoes. I didn't take a dessert there, because I'd spied chocolate sorbet in the health food section. I found spoons in the picnic section and took the sorbet back to the patio furniture. The sorbet was delicious!
Frozen foods was the next thing I thought I should check out. Well, guess what! Lawn chairs were stacked on top of the frozen food cases! Exactly what I needed for my deck. I pulled four pink ones down and put them in my cart. The only problem was that they filled up the cart. I had to park that cart--cart #1--by the packaged ice and get a second cart. I tied a turquoise helium balloon to it that I'd found near flowers so that I could spot it at a distance. Kroger's is huge, you know, and it helps you to identify your cart if you've attached a big balloon to it that you can spot five aisles away!
Cart #2 was a fine new one, used only once I figured, by somebody who'd left a lot of coupons in the bottom. It wasn't sticky at all. I picked up the coupons, because they could save me some money. They were for Oreo Creme Sandwiches, Prell Shampoo, Lay's Potato Chips, Huggable Diapers, Fancy Feast Tuna Cat Food, Mr. Scholl's Insoles, Duncan Hines Devil's Food Cake Mix, Milk of Magnesia, Aqua Fresh Toothpaste for Kids, Oral-B Dental Floss, and Summertime Garden Hoses. So that's what I put in cart #2. I parked it, with a hot pink helium balloon attached, by auto supplies.
On my way past colognes and perfumes, where I put on some Paloma Picasso body lotion, I passed the film deposit bin. I put in the film I had in my purse and picked up a single-use camera to take a picture of the flower arrangements over by patio furniture. I think I got several good shots of a bird-of-paradise and a couple of a panicky sparrow flying around the store.
I took cart #3 to the fish counter, had a good conversation with Titus about Orange Roughy, and picked up a bunch of recipes. It was 7:10 now. Since I had already eaten I didn't buy any fish, but instead went to the wines, where I found a couple of nice Cabernets at a reasonable price, and the beers, where I got a six-pack of Mexican Dos Equis. Met more neighbors and chatted a while.
By 7:30 I was getting rather tired, so I stashed cart #3 by cheeses, hooked up a beautiful purple helium balloon to it, and walked back to the front of the store to get a motorized wheel-chair cart. Now I could cruise up and down the aisles to see what I might have missed. Aha!--Cinzano Sweet Vermouth! And La Croix Mineral Water.
I practically crashed into the blood pressure machine, located near drugs of course, and so I checked my blood pressure to see whether I should worry. Fortunately, it was no higher than usual--thanks to my regular intake of red wine--and I could enjoy myself in the over-the-counter drug section. Spent twenty minutes there. The drugs are near the magazines, so I took a couple of Doan's Little Muscle Relaxer Pills with a swig of La Croix and went over to look at Gourmet Magazine. Before I settled in to read the June issue, I realized that my feet were cold. Recalling that socks were on the same aisle, I drove down that way, took off my shoes, put them in the cart, pulled on some comfortable white cotton socks, and drove back to the magazines. I have one complaint about this part of the store: not enough light to read comfortably. No problem, however, for flashlights and batteries were just an aisle away. I picked up a super flashlight and then swung by the optical stand, where I selected a pretty pair of reading glasses that would be useful on future trips to Kroger's.
After reading for a while, I looked at my new watch, which I'd gotten near toothpastes, and saw that it was 8:30 and TIME FOR A MOVIE! I spun the wheel-chair cart around and drove directly to the movie alcove. Otis and Milo was just starting on the monitor there. Great timing! Then I started thinking that it would be wonderful to have a drink--perhaps some of that vermouth. I had to hurry, but with a motorized cart you can speed around Kroger's in no time. I picked up a lemon on aisle 1, a knife on aisle 4, a plastic glass on aisle 5 in picnic supplies, ice near cart #1, and peanuts near wines. Then I motored back and settled in to watch Otis and Milo, which is a stimulating movie if you like dogs and cats. The theater was pleasant too--not crowded. And the vermouth on ice with the slice of lemon was just right.
The movie was over about 9:45, and though I hated to leave Kroger's, with so much left to see and do, I realized that I had to get home to feed my dogs. Oh my, they must be hungry! No time to check out. So I came home. I'll be able to find my carts tomorrow, because the balloons will last till breakfast.
By Betty Jean Craige
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